Black Friday, or something like that.

Today was another gray and ugly day. I woke up hungover and stayed hungover. I’m wicked depressed, and I don’t know if it’s because my doctor took me off my anti-depressant (seems the obvious answer) or because my life just suck majorly and this is my reaction.

Fuck this, I should just give up the ghost. I’m beginning to think that things will never get better.

Off to cry myself to sleep.

It’s much easier to say this kind of thing anonymously. When people I know see me and ask me how I’m doing, I always lie. I say I’m doing fine, so’s my mom, everything’s fine fine fine.

Fine is a line. The smile is fake. All I am is a dark hole of sadness and grief and I just want to burrow further into my hole, into myself, away from the world.

My mom would never show to me but I can hear her cry at night and I know she feels the same. We’re just two holes, that’s all that’s left of my family.

Every day I miss my dad. I keep thinking it will get easier, but it never does.